I'm Done!

At 2:06 pm today, Frieda’s Chair came into the world. Sure, she’s ugly—12 fingers, 11 toes, and a really frightening head of hair—but I think we can work with that. I’m seeing faux-hawk, thinking we’ll emphasize rather than understate. But she exists! And I’m in love.

56,356 words ago, she was just a rough idea. I thought I knew what the gestation process would be like but, really, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It’s been a mirror, a joy ride, a terrifying free fall. But she’s alive and kicking and I’m happy as a clam.

The Ten things I learned through NaNoWriMo:

1. I can’t spell worth shit (still) but luckily MSWord can.
   
2. Breathing out (creation) is as important as breathing in (observation)—can’t do one without the other—and the moments of transition from one to the other are terrifying and magical.
   
3. Trust your characters to guide the way. Trying to force them to go where I wanted them to go lead to temper tantrums (theirs) and writer’s block (mine).
   
4. The world is magical if you take the time to look, full of weird, wonderful synchronicity.
   
5. A first draft is not the same as the finished product, but you can’t have the latter unless you’re willing to make room for the former.
   
6. It’s much easier to take wild adventures with a little bit of support.
   
7. Perfectionism really is the enemy.
   
8. Sitting and typing for hours will seriously shorten your psoas.
   
9. Letting the story unfold on it’s own consistently creates something better than what I’d originally imagined.
   
10. Play really is a path to power. Laughter is healing. Ridiculous goals can inspire. Imperfection is rich.
    

So I’m officially a 2008 NaNoWriMo Winner and I couldn’t have done it without you. Deep thanks to everyone who emailed, Facebooked, became a “supporter” on the blog, posted comments, asked about my word count, or just sent out the love through the ether. I couldn’t have done it without you! I mean that.

Breathing

I have the closing scene in mind. I know who did it. The characters have learned everything they must know. But I can't feel how to flow from there to the finish.

A little panic, I think, about ending. Sort of like breathing out and then holding your breath: it's that little moment of hesitation before breathing in and knowing that you'll be OK. Weird.

Tomorrow is the last day so I have no choice but to make it happen. It's not going to be pretty.

But isn't that what editing is for?

OMG 50K!!!

:D

I’m not quite done yet but I’ve reached that goal that was completely unimaginable 28 days ago!!! See how my word counter thing off to the right has changed? Pretty cool, eh. So now I’m tying up loose ends in the story and dancing around my apartment.

I’m probably insufferable right now but I’m just so darn PROUD OF MYSELF!!

Who knew I had it in me. :)

Kinky Boots

Tantalizingly close: 49,154. 

And so I take a pause, a thanksgiving, before stepping across that threshold.

Today I sat on a bluff in the Marin Headlands looking out over the ocean. The high fog had pulled back from the coast but was still overhead, blocking the direct rays of the sun. And yet, there it was, the invisible sun bouncing off the lagoon a thousand feet below me, reflecting brilliantly right up into my face.

For my evening's entertainment, two disparate sources converge. Michael Meade talking about the desiccation of fantasy and the healing power of imagination. Kinky Boots, a based-on-real-life movie about a family-run shoe factory that saves itself by making fetish footwear for drag queens. 

What do all these and NaNoWriMo have in common? The courage to start when you can't know the finish, trusting in true sources of inspiration (embodied, mythic) even when they are hidden, and searching beneath the surface for that fragile thread that binds us.

Oh, I know I'm waxing all philosophical. My impulse is to entertain instead. But I'm just feeling so grateful. And full of thanksgiving to you all.

Brick Walls

For the first time, I am at a loss for words. (Well, clearly not completely since I'm typing and your reading, so the words have come from somewhere). But the end of the novel is in sight now. I'm definitely coasting towards the finish. And to tell you the truth, it makes me incredibly nervous. 

Perhaps it's the memory from my childhood, how when coasting downhill on my bike I slammed headfirst into a brick wall. Granted, closing my eyes wasn't the best idea. But ever since, I've been a little anxious about relaxing into an experience. 

So here I am, on the NaNoWriMo downhill . . . and it's been such a sweet ride. I've learned, and fretted, and pushed through, and stirred up stuff that I never could have imagined being part of the richness of writing what may very well be a very bad mystery novel (or a very good first draft). But I've also indulged myself in moments of hope and pleasure and even very tiny ones of trust in myself as an artist. It's been a ride like I never could have imagined. I don't want it to end. Even more, I don't want it to end on an unforgiving brick wall. So I need to remember the hard-earned lesson from way back then (the one learned after the face full of scabs--the envy of all my classmates--healed). That with eyes open, you can steer clear of the wall, and then ride back to the top and do it all over again!